January 2, 2011: Islamic radical violence against Christians in the last ten days has left over 80 dead, hundreds wounded and over a hundred suspects arrested.

via Nigeria: Widespread Islamic Attacks On Christians.

A 17-year-old girl who converted to Christianity from Islam was shot to death recently in an apparent “honor killing” in Somalia, according to Compass Direct News. Nurta Mohamed Farah, who had fled her village to live with relatives after her parents tortured her for leaving Islam, died on Nov. 25, according to the Compass Direct report.

via Voice of the Martyrs

“First comes love, then comes marriage, then comes baby in the baby carriage.”

Thus ends the old schoolyard rhyme.  Though we may not have realized it at the time, this rhyme contains a proven method of lowering your probability of divorce.  We’ve already seen how a strong financial foundation and some maturity both improve the chances of enjoying a life-long marriage.  Today, continuing our look at this report, we learn that having the first child than 7 months after the wedding decreases the risk of divorce by 24%, when compared to those whose first child comes before this mark.

As with our other ingredients, this is common sense. As any parent can tell you, kids absorb a huge amount of resources.  Time, energy, emotions and money all seem to be directed toward children in inverse proportion to their age.  The younger they are, the more they absorb.

At the same time, a new marriage requires a great deal of the same resources.  Of course, newlyweds (like new parents) don’t mind this, at all.  In fact, most newlyweds reveal in the amount of time and energy they lavish upon one another. They love spending time together, going shopping together, talking, hanging out and everything else.

Since both newborns and new marriages require such enormous investment, it is no surprise that adding a new baby to a new marriage (or a new marriage to a new baby) is a recipe for problems.  Something will have to give.  Either the baby will not receive the attention it needs, or the marriage will suffer.

So, we have a strong argument for 1) not having children before marriage and 2) not having a child at the outset of a marriage.  Of course, both of these fit with the Bible’s picture of marriage.

Of course, Scripture goes further than simply telling us to delay children.  Scripture prescribes abstinence outside of the marriage relationship.  If we return to Genesis 2:24, we find that the man and woman are united and become one flesh.  If we look elsewhere in Scripture we find admonitions such as:

“Let marriage be held in honor among all, and let the marriage bed be undefiled, for God will judge the sexually immoral and adulterous.” (Hebrews 13:4 ESV)

Obviously abstinence virtually guarantees children will wait until about nine months into the marriage. But abstinence also allows the relationship to develop toward intimacy according to God’s plan.  Like putting the horse before the cart, waiting to have sex is the best way to satisfying intimacy.

Now, it appears we have some empirical evidence to support this thinking.  A study, reported on here, finds stronger relationships among those who delay sex until marriage:

Compared with those in the early sex group, those who waited until marriage:
* Rated relationship stability as 22 percent higher
* Rated relationship satisfaction as 20 percent higher
* Rated sexual quality as 15 percent better
* Rated communication as 12 percent better

Perhaps Scripture, and a thousand of years of Western Civilization, were on to something about sex and marriage.  Perhaps our modern rush to embrace all things sexual is not progress but societal devolution.  Maybe, in the name of sexual freedom and fulfillment, we are setting the stage for problem relationships, dissatisfaction and broken homes.

Want to significantly increase your odds of a lifelong marriage?  Want that marriage to deliver as much satisfaction as possible?  Then follow God’s plan by delaying children, and sex, until after your wedding.

Christian group resubmits iPhone app for approval after making changes | The Daily Caller – Breaking News, Opinion, Research, and Entertainment.

Family devotional highlights Christ in Old Testament stories.

Two-Year Bible Reading Plan – The Gospel Coalition Blog.

According to those studies, marrying after age 25 lowers your probability of divorce 24% when compared to marrying under 18.  On the surface, this makes great sense. Many aspects of life are unsettled at 18 and, hopefully, are taken care of before 25.  As an example, your financial situation was probably much different at 25 then it was 18.  That financial improvement may account for some of the differing divorce probabilities.

Because trying to parse each aspect of how life is different from 18 to 25 would take volumes, let me just use the term ‘maturity.’ If we summarize all of the differences between an 18-year-old and a 25-year-old, we are talking about maturity.  Not surprisingly, maturity fits with what we know of the extended adolescence experienced by many young adults in America today.

According to articles such as this one in the NY times, “For many, by choice or circumstance, independence no longer begins at 21.”  The author refers to a modern phenomena, extended adolescence, whereby folks in their 20s continue exhibiting adolescent traits.  Such delayed maturity may help explain our delayed ability to form healthy, lasting marriages.

The question, then, is not necessarily one of chronological age as much as it is one of maturity.  Going back to Genesis 2:24 passage from earlier, God declares a man shall leave his father and mother and then unite with his wife.  It would seem that God considers independence, and the maturity it reveals, a prerequisite for developing a marriage relationship.

As we prepare for marriage, then, we might ask a few questions about maturity.  First, we might ask what it looks like to be mature.  In order to really assess our situation, we need a picture of what maturity looks like.  Without a clear understanding of what it is, we might not know if we are ready for the enormous commitment of marriage.  Second, we might ask if we are mature enough to successfully unite with a spouse.  Finally, we might evaluate our potential spouse for their emotional readiness.

So, what does maturity look like?  Well, we might include such traditional concepts as a sense of responsibility, a strong work ethic, compassion, empathy, an ability to set and achieve goals and a bit of self-awareness.  All of those would describe an adult who may be ready for marriage.  Additionally, we should look at how Scripture describes maturity.  To do this, take a look at some of the Bible’s passages on marriage such as Proverbs 33, Ephesians 5:22-32, 1 Peter 3:7.  As you read these texts, can you identify some of the traits marriage requires?

Here are some I see:

-                Selflessness

-                Willing Sacrifice

-                Love (for a definition of love, see 1 Corinthians 13)

-                Patience

-                Gentleness

-                Faithfulness

-                Self-Control

Once we’ve established a picture of maturity, we can then begin to evaluate our potential partner and ourselves in light of it.  We can take the time to prayerfully search our hearts and honestly ask the question, “Am I ready for this commitment?”

Anyway, as a former Cast Member, I thought this was pretty interesting:

How Disney World is Making Lines Go Faster.

I wonder if this isn’t why receiving a parent’s blessing was so important in previous generations.  I also wonder if this isn’t why many cultures arrange marriages—to leverage the marriage wisdom of previous generations.  Regardless, the importance of spouse selection is found in Scripture and supported in modern research.

This report includes information gleaned from this study.  Interestingly, when discussing the oft quoted statistics about the approximately 50% probability of a marriage ending in divorce, the authors point out ingredients that significantly reduce that probability.  Most of those ingredients connect with spouse selection, and mesh with Biblical teaching.  For example:

A household income above $50,000 decreases the probability of divorce by 30%, when compared to a household income of $25,000.  So, we see that financial stability means a lower chance of divorce.  That makes sense.  Money issues are some of the most fought over problems in marriages.  So, beginning your marriage with some financial security ought to correlate to less marital strife, and less divorce.  It reminds me of one of the lessons we learned in pre-marital counseling, one that I’ve shared with every couple I’ve counseled.

Genesis 2:24 reads, “Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh,” (ESV).  Note the sequence:  leaving comes before holding fast.  We might include a lot in that ‘leaving:’ emotional, financial and physical separation from mom and dad.  Thus, our Pastor encouraged us to evaluate our finances—could we support ourselves—along with our ‘apron strings.’

Does that mean one should put off marriage until they are making $50,000 a year?  Not necessarily.  Perhaps the real issue is cash flow.  I would suggest a couple could be just as happily married at $30,000 as they are at $50,000.  My wife and I were quite satisfied early in our marriage, despite low incomes and the cost of Seminary.  We lived in a tiny apartment, ate the cheapest food we could find, and all of our furniture was either hand-me-down or dumpster found.  We didn’t have anywhere near $50,000/yr in combined income (I don’t even think it was $30k). Yet, we were quite content.  Why?  We didn’t mind the hand-me-downs, etc.  We understood that we couldn’t afford romantic weekends away, new furniture or exquisite meals.  We knew that eating out for our anniversary meant saving for the entire year.

So, the issue is really an honest assessment.  Can you and your future spouse be happy living within your present means?  If so, great!  If not, maybe you need to delay marriage or adjust your expectations.

As you prepare for marriage, then, prioritize your finances.  Avoid building up unnecessary debt (and most debt young adults build is unnecessary). College loans, cars, credit cards and such place an enormous burden upon your future marriage.  The wise man either avoids debt, eschewing luxuries, or waits to marry until their debt is retired.